Wednesday, March 03, 2004

11th Commandment?

It appears that the Methodist Church UK and Ship of Fools are seeking suggestions for the 11th Commandment.

Sounds like a cute gimmick, but do we really need more rules?

Ok, in the spirit of the thing, here are some suggestions.

Thou shalt not ever ever ever cook cauliflower in a confined space causing others to endure the scent of decomposing vegetation.

Thou shalt not allow the animals into my office.

If said animals are inadvertently allowed into my office, thou shalt not use the fact that the top of my desk sometimes resembles a litter box as an excuse for their appalling behavior.

Thou shalt not go to Mexico and forget to call Dad for three weeks (yes, son, this means you!).

Thou shalt not lust after cars you cannot afford (this includes that sweet black Cobra with the supercharger and the rebuilt engine with only 200 miles on it and the black leather interior and low profile wheels that they are asking half what it's worth and is one of a kind so would really be an investment....).

Thou shalt not sing Rocky Racoon in the car unless alone (why everyone groans is beyond me, but obviously it causes pain to others, so needs to be on this list).

Thou shalt not invite the Jehovah Witnesses in just to play with their heads.

Thou shalt not test the endurance of the garbage disposal with various non-organic items.

Thou shalt not smack the young man who thinks it's funny to blow bubbles in the chalice.

Thou shalt not make announcements in the middle of the liturgy.

And finally, the one that may have the most universal appeal...

Thou shalt not spam.


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