Sunday, April 04, 2004

They'll Never Take Me Alive!

Friday I received a rather official looking letter in the mail from a nearby municipality. Upon opening it, I was greeted with this announcement:


Please be advised that a warrant for your arrest for contempt of court as a result of an unanswered summons has been issued. It has been forwarded for action to the police department shown above...

Violation: 39: 3-76.2F - Failure to wear seat belt equipment.
Bail amount: $79.00
It appears that men armed with deadly weapons may appear at my door any minute, and may enter my domicile forcefully if necessary, to apprehend my criminal self.

I considered contesting this citation. Exactly who does it potentially harm, except myself, to not wear a seat belt? Having once survived a crash because I rolled out of the car before the impact, I personally find seatbelts to be a safety hazard. Obviously, I considered my options for too long, and forgot about the fool ticket.

I paid the $79, but still find myself watching my rear view mirror. If they do plan on raiding my house to put me in a cage, in order to protect a vulnerable public from such deviant behavior, I suppose it is only fair to warn them that I used to listen to G. Gordon Liddy for his entertainment value. And I remember his words of wisdom concerning such encounters; "They wear body armor. Aim for the head."

I hear sirens in the distance. Time to head for the basement and barricade the doors.


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