By giving in to depression, I did not resign myself to it. I simply quit fighting it, even though I had no idea whether any good would come of giving up the fight. Frankly, I didn’t care. I had reached a “whatever” place. And although I did not say that word to God, He took my “whatever” attitude as a code word for the words I could not utter: I’ve reached the end of me. I don’t care what happens to me anymore. Only He pulled rank and put a postscript in my mouth, granting Himself permission to heal me: P.S. Oh, and God, go ahead and do whatever You want to with me. He had been right there with me on the floor, listening to my heart all along.J.
If your inability to fit in has caused you to despair, you may think your depression has separated you from God. It has not. And that’s biblical. Like the apostle Paul, I am convinced that “neither death, nor life ... nor depth”—nor depression—“nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39).
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Lord, if it means that I can become whole again, keep me close to the floor, where my inability to speak allows You unhindered access to my heart.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Reaching That "Whatever" Place
I stumbled across a meditation today; Finding God on the Floor, which I found insightful. Here's just a bit of it;