PRESS RELEASEBetter to laugh; the alternatives cause ulcers.
Vatican sources have today confirmed that next week, the new Supreme Pastor of the Universal Church, will begin his pontificate the way he means to continue it.
He will summon God to the Vatican to give an account of His increasingly liberal views on a number of important issues.
Benedict commented, "God exercised complete and authoritative control in the past, but He began to go all soft after He sent His non-Catholic Son to Palestine without permission of the Holy See. Jesus, the Son, then caused a great deal of trouble by going about preaching, challenging the religious authorities and subverting the socio-economic system prevalent at the time. Even His mother could see Him for the troublemaker He was becoming, saying, ' He is out of His mind! Get Him out of there!'
Furthermore, his penchant for preaching the good news to the poor led towards the formation of the aberrant liberation theology movement. And as for His attitude to women: He actually made disciples of them and allowed them to minister to people. We would not want to allow those actions to raise false hopes in the women of today because it is not something my cardinals and I would want to encourage. (Certainly not after I have been awarded the Triple Crown.) I know I have their complete trust, because I recommended their appointments to my more liberal predecessor, Pope John Paul II, over the course of the last twenty-five years.
You must understand that we all trust our meeting next week will be resolved in an amicable manner in accordance with the rules of the Universal Church as interpreted by the prestigious Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith."
Embargoed until Wednesday, 20 April 2005
For those wanting something more substantial, some interesting reading on Salon; The Church will continue to suffer; Father Andrew Greeley, Michael Lerner, Andrew Sullivan, Matthew Fox, Amy Sullivan, John T. McGreevy and others weigh in on the newly elected Pope Benedict XVI.